Eli's Cartoon Caption Contest No. 120

Contest No. 120 starts right now.

Briefly, here are the details: I'll supply a drawing of one of my old cartoons that has never been published, leaving off my caption. You are invited to supply your funniest captions. Simply (1) click on "Add New Comment". Then (2) scroll down past any other submitted captions and type in your name and your caption in the spaces provided. Then (3) click "Save".

Your caption (or captions) will be posted after I review your submission. Also, no captions at all will be posted for the first few days of each contest.  This is to give everybody a chance to submit their spontaneous, gut-instinct caption without fear of discovering that it was ripped off by somebody else's similar spontaneous caption. This is an equal opportunity contest!

There is no limit on the number of captions you can enter for each drawing. Entries will be accepted and posted for one week, after which a winner will be announced and the winning caption will be printed. Below that I will also print my original caption.

The cut-off time and date for you to send in your captions is midnight Tuesday, July 4, 2017.

I will be the sole judge. The winning caption will be the one I judge to be the funniest one submitted (not necessarily the one that matches or comes closest to my original caption). Additional rules and regulations, for those of you who need such things, can be found here.

Below is the drawing that needs your funny captions.


Hi, welcome to the jailhouse hotel. Relaxing and friends are
our goal. Enjoy your stay.

"I have to tell you, I feel so much more relaxed now that I can't read peoples' comments on the Internet."

My crime was landing on Go to Jail while Monopoly

At least we'll get a break from hearing about the never-ending Trump tweets.

No thanks, I prefer to keep my legs crossed.

Well, I guess I won't be needing to apply for conjugal visits.

All in all I had a pretty good run in the market, right up to the time my father-in-law wanted his money back.

This is great! I finally have free healthcare!

"Well, it's been ten years now...what do you say we rearrange the furniture?"

"Your kidding!...and all these years I thought you were just my imaginary friend."

I haven't committed any crime. I'm just here to get away from my wife.

"I was thinking about re-arranging the furniture today"!

"You want to go out for dinner tonight or just order a pizza"?

"Yeah, I used to think life is to short too till I got here, but five to fifteen seems like forever!"

"So how's the nightlife around here"?

"So what's your favorite prison movie"?

"So I says", "Your Honor, who died and made you Judge"?

"That's funny, "life is too short"! "The judge told me the same thing when he sentenced me"!

"MAN, I could kill again for a double cheeseburger and fries"!

"What are you getting the Warden for Christmas"?

"When I get out, I want a little place by myself, nothing fancy, with no neighbors around, they take so long to bury"!

"What time did you make our tee-off reservations for"?

"Since I've been here I hardly ever sleepwalk anymore"!

"You wanna play Monopoly, I'll spot you the 'Get Out of Jail Free' card"!

"I'm waiting to hear from the Governor about my parole, luckily he's in the cell next to us"!

"Yeah, I read 'A Brief History of Time', by some ex-con, Steven Hawking, he must a got an early parole"!

I knew mom was serious about our curfew.

Oh boy, bagels for breakfast.

"Have you seen The Shawshank Redemption?"

The beds make up for the staff's attitude.

Tell me, is it possible to receive travel brochures while being incarcerated?

I asked for conjugal visits, and they sent you.

My mother-in-law said that I would do anything to avoid her. Now, she has been proven right.

I was told my cell might be "bugged." But, the only bugs I have found have legs.

Jack, I want you to paint me like one of your frenchg girls...

My advisor in college indicated that I should study the criminal justice system. Now, I can appreciate everything I've done wrong in life.

All I can think about when sleeping is "free" time, "free" time, "free" time....etc. Then I wake up and see you.

I am serving time for bigamy. But, most of my mail is from lonely women who want to marry me.

My shyster lawyer said the bad news about being in jail is like being on a crowded cruise ship. The good news is you never get sea sick.

The final punishment that I received in jail was from my wife. She cancelled my viagra prescription.

My company said I had a "golden parachute" clause in my contract. When things went bad, they tossed me out of a plane with my parachute on, and I landed on top of this penitentiary building.

I am a federal "employee" in training. I count the years, hours, and minutes until I serve my time.

It has been said, "If you free your mind, your body will follow." In my case though, I keep bumping into walls.

Before I was incarcerated, I invested all my stolen money in Bernie Madoff's high interest rate projects. By now, I should be a billionaire on paper.

I believe in the 2nd amendment, except when guns are pointed at me.

There are some things money can't buy, like the services of a jail house interior designer.

You know the old saying, "If you can't beat em, then join em." I am now a bona fide member of the "Big Bubba" club who lives several cells down the corridor.

I spotted my old cook sergeant from my army days. He was serving bean soup and spicy sausage stew for the main course. Needless to say, I'm on an extended hunger strike.

I told the warden that I was a sailor in the navy. He said, "That was good," and assigned me to the "mop and pail" detail.

Have you heard of the "bird man of alcatraz?" Well, the judge in my court proceedings called me the future "birdbrain of little alcatraz."


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