Eli's Cartoon Caption Contest No. 105

Contest No. 105 starts right now.

Briefly, here are the details: I'll supply a drawing of one of my old cartoons that has never been published, leaving off my caption. You are invited to supply your funniest captions. Simply (1) click on "Add New Comment". Then (2) scroll down past any other submitted captions and type in your name and your caption in the spaces provided. Then (3) click "Save". Your caption (or captions) will be posted after I review your submission.

There is no limit on the number of captions you can enter for each drawing. Entries will be accepted and posted for one week, after which a winner will be announced and the winning caption will be printed. Below that I will also print my original caption.

The cut-off time and date for you to send in your captions is midnight Tuesday, August 23, 2016.

I will be the sole judge. The winning caption will be the one I judge to be the funniest one submitted (not necessarily the one that matches or comes closest to my original caption). Additional rules and regulations, for those of you who need such things, can be found here.

Below is the drawing that needs your funny captions.

I've been trying to find old, unpublished cartoons of mine that will bring forth a greater variety of caption entries. What better way to go than to offer you a good old psychiatrist and a good old minister . . . combined! This drawing is at least 60 years old . . . I hope it inspires you all.


You are the only psychiatrist I ever went to that lies on the couch while your patient writes his problems.

Doctor, I understand your happier lying on the couch. I'm here because I'm insane, but tell me your problems.

" . . It's just that I'm starting to doubt whether talking to people about their problems really works."

"It's existential . . .I'm not sure if I still believe in Freud."

I think I'm in the wrong profession - I'm tired of hearing about other people's problems.

Hail Mary's just aren't cutting it for me anymore. How about some Prozac?

Doctor, I keep preaching eternal damnation and reincarnation, and now I turn up here.

I'm blue.

I keep having this reoccurring nightmare where I live in this colorless, two dimensional world.

Bless me head-shrinker for I have sinned.

"I don't like the color blue."

"No matter what anybody tells me, I cannot stop wanting to vote for Donald Trump."

"In the Beginning..."

Is there such thing as a Servant of God complex?

You're not saint, either, Harry.

Before I begin, a few announcements...

I think I'm a nun trapped in a preacher's body!

I keep having this reoccurring dream, me and the "Church-Lady" are in a hot-tub!

I keep having this nightmare where no matter who wins the election we all go to hell!

I finally stopped cursing, I gave up golf!

If you knew half the stuff they tell me you'd be laying here too!

I feel your pain my son, but I don't care, is that normal?

I think I'm losing it! Nobody believes a thing I say!

I keep having religious thoughts all the time!

When was the last time you had this couch cleaned?

So a nun, a priest, a rabbi and a duck walk in to a bar and the bartender says, "what happened to the pig"?

Sometimes I think eternity is overrated!

"Really...I swear...the snake DID talk! I'm NOT crazy. Oh, And there's this burning bush that speaks too!"

"I read 'Golfers World' when people tell me their confessions.

"I'm still getting these enormous migraines...and don't tell me again it's because of my tight collar.

"I want to be miserable with a wife, just like everyone else."

"Tell me honestly, that was you in the confessional telling me you nap while your patients are talking."

"I have this uncontrollable urge to be a rabbi."

"I'm paying you $200 an hour to talk to you about my sex life...and I don't have one!"

"We both have in common that we really don't listen to people when they confess to us, but you get paid $200 for that.

"I'll cut to the chase.. I'm celibate and horny."

"I'm stealing from the church plate to pay for these sessions."

"We've got to stop meeting like this."

"You don't have to keep saying, 'Our time is up.' I know, Trump's going to be our president."

"Who came up with this idea of lying down? It's a lot better than confessing on your knees in a tiny box."

"You have no idea how depressing it is to be pious all the time."

"Business must be bad for you too. People just aren't feeling guilty anymore."

"Doc, can't you tell me some things your patients tell you? I'm running out of material for my sermons."

"I think I'd feel more comfortable if we change places and you do all the confessing."

"My depression is getting worse. All I want to do in my church is play bingo."

"Do you have any idea how depressing it is to hear people confess their sins to you all day...and not get paid $100 an hour for it?"

You want to know what my problem is? Hillary admitted to me during confession that she lied, and I can't tell anyone.

I thought I ran over a penguin, then I found out it was a nun.

I don't know why I'm here. The bottom of your psychiatry diploma says "Gift from Popcorn Co."

"I'm becoming paranoid. Every time someone calls me Father, I think I forgot something terrible I did in the past."


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