Eli's Cartoon Caption Contest No. 62

Contest No. 62 starts right now.

Briefly, here are the details: I'll supply a drawing of one of my old cartoons that has never been published, leaving off my caption. You are invited to supply your funniest captions. Simply (1) click on "Add New Comment". Then (2) scroll down past any other submitted captions and type in your name and your caption in the spaces provided. Then (3) click "Save". Your caption (or captions) will be posted after I review your submission.

There is no limit on the number of captions you can enter for each drawing. Entries will be accepted and posted for one week, after which a winner will be announced and the winning caption will be printed. Below that I will also print my original caption.

The cut-off time and date for you to send in your captions for this contest is midnight Tuesday, January 28, 2014.

I will be the sole judge. The winning caption will be the one I judge to be the funniest one submitted (not necessarily the one that matches or comes closest to my original caption). Additional rules and regulations, for those of you who need such things, can be found here.

Below is the drawing that needs your caption.


I just finished reading your latest book. I don't understand why you call it "scary."

You don't think it's a bit ridiculous that the characters all turn into porcupines?

Another "you are what you think" book. So I'm thinking about a porcupine. Am I supposed to turn into a porcupine now?

Finally, a book that addresses hairstyling for men. I tried like five hair gels just this morning and none were quite right.

I think a few old ladies are about to cancel their subscriptions!

Your paper was electrifying! But maybe a little too electrifying for our audience.

"You mean this is about YOUR teenagers?"


"This is quite a draft."

Hair issue? What hair issue?

I was so inspired by your "101 Experiments With Hair Gel" that I tried one myself this morning.

I wanted something new, not someone nude.

The Art of Blackmail?

This certainly is a graphic novel.


I have to say, Mr. Smith, you look just a little too straight to be writing for our punk fanzine.

I can't wait to see page two.

"I found your conclusions hair-raising."

WOW! What a first novel!

When I suggested to give me a hair-raising ending, I didn't mean it literally!

"Have you ever considered writing a sentence without @$#%&*?!'"

"You don't need an editor, you need a psychiatrist!"

"Well, you've definitely written a surprise ending. It's just all these blank pages before it, that concerns me."

"You say my ex-wife hired you to write this unauthorized biography of me?"

I believe you misunderstood me when I asked you to 'flesh it out'.

"I was helping my son with his Boy Scout Electricity Merit Badge last night."

"I'm sorry Dr.Hannibal Lecter, but I'm afraid our readership isn't ready for some of these ingredients in your cookbook.

"Perhaps we can create tension and foreboding without always repeating 'and then, and then, and then,' fifty times."

"I'm afraid 'poetic license' doesn't cover plagiarizing 98% of your material."

"I must say your opening sentence, 'Give me every penny in your petty cash box...I've got a gun in my pocket,' has definitely drawn my attention!"

"The best I can say is,you have a talent for stapling papers together."

I think I sat on a thumb tack !"

Quite honestly, your manuscript sucks. The upside is you'll never have to worry about book piracy.

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